Fortitude

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To be entirely honest, I might not even be in the right frame of mind to be penning new year resolutions.

It’s only Day 4 of the new year, and already I feel like somehow, this year isn’t going to be kind. So much has happened in the last 96 hours alone.

2016 has been incredibly beautiful. Despite the drama happening everywhere else, the year remained steadfast in its kindness to me. Perhaps I hadn’t said my thanks enough, perhaps I hadn’t been as aware of my blessings as I should have been. But now – now I truly understand how blissfully fortunate I have been thus far.

And I am deeply, deeply thankful for everything I have been given.

The year started off magically; surrounded by friends, with a heart full of love and gratitude. Yet in the next moment, I find myself lost in some kind of web. A tangle of fiction and fabrication that make it difficult to lift my heavy heart.

Stuck in a strange, miserable situation, I can only keeping whispering that this is temporary and you will do better. 

You will be better.

 

I can only hope that I will be given the strength to see the positives, and to somehow look beyond the negatives this year. I don’t want to forget all that I have been given last year, and the years before. This is a good life, and I will not wither it away.

With every hardship there is relief – so be patient. I am not alone. 🙂

AND SO! This year I resolve to: 
– Sleep early – because haha I have to be at work at 8 oh god
– DRINK MORE WATER because I am starting to like water HAHA can it be???
– Be nicer to everyone 😀
– Do more charity work 😀

May this be another beautiful year to remember.

The Foot Operation

So on the 19th of September, this happened:

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It wasn’t an emergency though, I had to wait a good 4 months for the surgery (such is the scenario if you want subsidised hospital bills in Singapore).

Basically, I had the most annoying lump on the top of my foot since my secondary school days. It didn’t bother me constantly but whenever pressure is applied, man does it hurt. After much researching, I figured it was probably a ganglion cyst – and because it was harmless – decided to ignore it for the next few years. Occasionally when the lump pressed against a shoe strap I’d feel pain, but I just moved the strap away and continued on my way.

Until I was doing my room renovation back in May 2016.

I was shifting some things into the cupboard above my table and as I made my way down, I accidentally smacked the top of my foot against my chair. THE PAIN WAS UNIMAGINABLE. I’d dropped everything and rolled around the floor, shrieking in pure unadulterated anguish.

The next week I booked a consultation at my university’s clinic and they referred me to a polyclinic (should have just gone to the polyclinic straight dammit). From there it was another referral to KTPH (for the subsidy friends. Patience is key), and after a couple of back and forths with the doctor and anaesthetists, it was time for my operation.

Then came the issue with which anaesthesia I should use.

I was originally scheduled for a general anaesthesia, because
a) the doctor didn’t want me to be awake and panic during surgery, and
b) the doctor was worried he couldn’t find the cyst once he opened my foot up because it was soooo tiny and soooo mobile.

Now, (b) is probably just conjecture, but I am almost POSITIVE this was a huge factor because up until the point of surgery, my doctor seemed lowkey anxious that he couldn’t really mark it on my foot. He did try to dissuade me from getting an operation to err on the side of caution, but because I had not yet registered that it was an OPERATION I had to go through and was still feeling annoyed with the lump after smacking it against the chair, I told him I REALLY WANTED TO GET IT OUT. 

Anyway, the mother was not pleased with the GA decision due to the whole host of nasty after-effects associated with GA. The anaesthetists were pretty ok with her preference to do Local Anaesthesia since the lump did seem pretty close to the skin surface.

Unfortunately by the time I made up my mind to do Local, the only time I could contact my doctor was on the operation day itself. Junior doctor and nurses seemed a tiny bit worried that I changed my mind last minute (because on paper I was still scheduled for a GA) but they tried really hard to mark the cyst on my foot (to the point the cyst area was just a mess of black marker and not a neat circle HAHA) and then tried to reassure me when I started panicking about the anaesthesia shots.

See the thing about GA is that it’s just one injection of an IV tube, then I get an oxygen mask and KO happily until after everything is over wherein which I may start puking and suffering. There’s also this breathing tube they have to stuff down my windpipe but the thing is I’d be unconscious and it’d probably be the best case of no pain, much gain.

Local on the other hand… Frigging heavens almighty I had to bite on my blanket through the five or six injections to the top of my foot before I felt it going numb. Holy shit were the injections PAINFUL. I felt the needle going in, I felt the liquid drugz rushing into my foot… I CAN STILL FEEL IT NOW. I was hooked up to a heart monitor and my heartbeat was broadcasted to the entire room so it was pretty embarrassing when I tried to go “yeah yeah I’m fine” but hear my heartbeat go from beep…beep… to BEEPBEEPBEEEBPEBEPBEP right before the first shot was administered HAHAHA

Anyway I really didn’t feel much during the surgery itself. After the ankle block, my foot felt like it was in some intense pins-and-needles moment and I could vaguely register people touching my foot, but there was no pain at all. It was pretty uncomfortable though, because of the tourniquet on my thigh and the overall stillness I tried to be in. I didn’t want to be difficult because… aiya opt for local last minute already then panic during the surgery seems like a very stupid thing to do -___-  So I counted sheep. HAHA.

Surgery was over in about an hour I think? My foot was pretty damn numb haha and still no pain. They said they will send the evil lump for testing, gave me a whole HOST of painkillers (aw they were worried about me) and sent me on my merry way home.

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Day 0 was pretty ok, my foot remained partially numb the entire day although I took 2 rounds of mild painkillers.

Day 1 was ok too. I accidentally moved my toes downwards and felt a weird twinge on the top of my foot and it throbbed on and off. 1 round of painkillers.

Day 2 and no pain so far! I’m actually pretty surprised by how little pain I have been experiencing. The pharmacist gave me soooo many, I became quite worried about what would happen once the anaesthesia wears off. But… so far so good! May the rest of recovery be as smooth hahaha. I’ve been rolling around the house on my new chair so it’s been ok! Everyone’s extra nice to me HAHA! I need to stop touching things accidentally with my foot though D:

Next Monday I’ll be getting my bandages redressed, and on the Tuesday after that the stitches are coming off (and they’ll hopefully tell me what that lump in my foot was)!

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Taking heart in the fact that  my sister said my bandaged foot looks like it fits right in with Alexander McQueen’s famous designer range HAHAHA